FELINA

In an alternate universe, there exists a different and more naïve version of me. One who wasn’t almost dumped with a dramatic “Felina”.

Felina. Beautiful word, awkward way to discover it. I haven’t had the chance to use it, but I figured it would make a great title for my final blog post.

I had a huge post planned out, but I lost in the war against procrastination. So here are some of the less-than-perfect poems I’ve written in the past few months.

Yes. Yes. I’m no John Keats. I know.

 

***

Procrastinators anonymous

I was unfashionably late today

So late was I that all necks were craned

Every person wanted to see me

The girl that had outprocrastinated

All the procrastinators in the room

“Wow,” exclaimed the group leader

“We’ve been waiting for you

“So late are you

“That I now dub thee

“Queen of the procrastinators.”

 

 

***

 

 

Faith

I’m green-eyed as I watch them

Singing their hearts out,

With their hands flung into the air.

I observe with intense curiosity

and try to read their lips

As they talk to their creator.

 

In those moments I wonder

What exactly are they saying?

Are they asking for comfort or help?

Or are they simply giving thanks?

I’ll probably never know,

 but one thing’s for sure,

I wish I were like them–a  child of faith.

 

***

 

Masks

We wear masks to save ourselves

From the sympathy and judgment

We’d get if they caught a glimpse

Of the faces behind these masks

 

So every day he wears a veil

He giggles to hide his tears

And jokes to conceal his fears

“Me acts funny sometimes.”

 

***

 

Sunday

He was busy preaching

But I was busy feeling

 

An aching sadness

A desperate longing

 

Could this be it–

my coming to god moment?

***

 

The Void

On a dark soulless night,

You stood on top of the world,

And fell into a trance,

As you watched the little people down below,

Kill themselves with work,

And toil towards a chance,

To stand where you stood.

 

Once upon a time you’d been like them,

A little person with big dreams.

And now here you were,

On top of the world,

Envious of those down below,

You didn’t have many regrets save for one.

 

You wished that back when you were a tiny person,

Someone had warned you of the shrill persistent voice,

That would rear its ugly head once you got to the top

The voice, hypnotising and persuasive,

Appeared every night and it beckoned you,

 To take a step into the inviting void over the ledge.

 

If only you’d known,

That on dark, lonely nights like this one,

You’d feel a burning urge,

To heed to at last,

To the call of the void.

***

 

May

The 6 am bus found me waiting

At the chilly, poorly-lit stop

I’d been standing there for hours

Counting down the minutes

To when it would come and take me away

To a place without pain.

 

And when we finally took off

I took care not to look back

At the town I was leaving behind

All my hope and focus

Was on where I was going–

Home.

 

 

From petty teen to an almost grown-up. It’s been quite the journey.

 

You’ve gotta make a decision

Leave tonight or live and die this way.

~ Fast car Tracy Chapman